Jupiter Ascending is a 2015 sci-fi action film directed by the Wachowski siblings, starring Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum.

It is essentially the Battlefield Earth of 2015, and is notable for stealing from over a dozen other fictional media while trying to masquerade as being original.

Plot[edit | edit source]

One hour of Mila Kunis falling out of, and off of, various buildings and other structures, and another hour of people explaining shit to her and saving her from her bastard children.

Notable characters[edit | edit source]

The Episode[edit | edit source]

  • This is the first episode of 2016
  • Note: This episode aired before Lilly Wachowski came out as a trans woman. As such, James refers to her by her former name frequently. Obviously, this was not intentional on his part.
  • The episode was released following the passing of the musician David Bowie, and the hosts paid tribute to him by having Star Man play after the traditional Ending Song

Scores[edit | edit source]

James - Acrophobia

Damien - Sean

Highlights[edit | edit source]

  • Damien starting roughly 75% of his sentences with "There's something called [x]"
  • Balem killed the lizard guy for not preparing his Cheerios properly
  • Damien's talk about Star Wars
  • The frequent use of "Hey! ... They made The Matrix." in regards to how this movie was made

References[edit | edit source]

Tiradesverse tropes[edit | edit source]

  • Protagonists? - Jupiter and Caine
  • SYMBOLISM!!! - Where to fucking start...
  • Center of the Universe - Jupiter and it's almost more than figuratively true in this case!
  • Finer Cronies and Goons, Inc. - The Shadowrun Rejects, the poor man's Greys, and the flying lizard men
  • There Are No Police - The Aegis could arrest at least two of the Abrasax clan at any point for numerous felonies, but don't. Also, they allow two of Balem's henchmen to do whatever they want because they kidnapped half a dozen humans.
  • Pointless heel turn - Stinger (although, he just decides to help the protagonists again, anyway)
  • Bubblegum Galaxy
  • RPG Town - The space station where the bureaucracy montage takes place
  • Bewildering Mercy - Jupiter refuses to kill the man who just tried to force her to marry him; and also the man who just tried to kill her, her family, and her planet and probably wouldn't hesitate to do it again
  • No movie!!! - Caine isn't killed after being captured.
  • Instant Love - Jupiter falls in love with Caine, despite knowing him for like five minutes and him (apparently) being more canine than human.
  • Killing Your Own Guys - Balem kills his lizard general guy

Ending song[edit | edit source]


Movie Soundtracks - Spaceballs - Spaceballs Theme

Before and After[edit | edit source]

Previous Episode: Episode 51 - Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny

Next Episode: Episode 53 - Deadfall

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