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NewtonPiles

Newton Pyles is a protagonist? in the 2007 Uwe Boll film, Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance. He is played by Chris Coppola. (No, not the director of Deadfall.)

Facts[]

  • The guy you get when you can't get Jonah Hill
  • A reporter for the Chicago Chronicle that somehow travels to Deliverance, Montana to get some high-octane story about the "Wild West"
  • Easily the most insufferable character in the entire movie
  • Which is saying something, given that the main villain's every utterance makes you want to smash your skull in with a frying pan
  • Actually rants at the rest of the cast when Rayne and her goofy sidekicks are fighting the evil vampires about how they're all cowards, despite the fact that he hasn't done a single goddamned thing to even attempt to fight them, himself
  • Despite being in more scenes than anyone else in the movie, serves absolutely zero purpose to whatever the plot of this dumbfuck movie is supposed to be
  • Becomes sheriff of the town at the end of the movie despite having been there for less time than anyone and chickenshitting out when he had a chance to shoot numerous bad guys
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